


Slainte Ba!

by grayspider1974



Series: Ivar's World [11]
Category: Father Ted, Vikings (TV)
Genre: Other, drinking and profanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:40:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayspider1974/pseuds/grayspider1974
Summary: In which Ivar Boneless washes up on the shores of Craggy Island





	Slainte Ba!

**Author's Note:**

> The historical Ivar Boneless became the king of Ireland, and (despite his Little Problem) fathered a dynasty of kings known as the Ui Ifar that lasted until Edward I of England (otherwise known as "that genocidal maniac from Braveheart" rooted them out.

Two cassocked men stood over Ivar, and the third sat in a strange metal chair with wheels as he lay uncomfortably on a pebble beach.  
"Leave him be, Dugan," said the priest with close-cropped grey hair. "He probably doesn't like being poked with a stick."  
Ivar groaned. "Priests..." he thought "Why did it have to be PRIESTS!?" His eyes would not focus properly, his head throbbed, his mouth felt like something had crawled into it and died, and he sincerely wished that he too was dead. He glowered up at the three clerics and snapped "Vet du ikke hvem eg er? Du kan ikke drep meg!"  
"My guess is that he fell off a Norwegian trawler," said Dugan. "He looks a little bit worse for wear!"  
The eldest of the three, who sat in the chair and whose name was Jack glowered down at Ivar and said "Feck!"  
Ivar grinned evilly. "Christian!" he retorted in a tone that implied that the word had the same connotation as "Bastard!"  
"Arse wipe!" Jack retorted, then held out a flask that he had hidden under his lap robe and asked "Drink?"  
Ivar grabbed the flask and gulped down nearly half of it before he realized that it contained not water, beer, mead, nor purloined sacrificial wine but usquae beatha, the potent Water of Life that the rest of the world knows as Irish Whiskey.  
"Frig!" he said, and stared at the flask in befuddled wonder, before handing it back to Father Jack. "Danke," he said, unsure if this was the correct way to say "thank you " in English. "More?"  
"Pub!" said Father Jack. He dusted sand off Ivar's leather jacket, though where the sand had come from was a bit of a mystery as there was no sand on that beach or anywhere on Craggy Island.  
Father Ted and Father Dugan exchanged puzzled glances as the pair headed up the beach to the pub. "They're like the same man 50 years apart, aren't they?" Father Dugan asked.


End file.
